Another year has gone by, and four since the last Presidential election, and our furry hero is poised to poke his fuzzy little head out of his burrow once again and predict the future. Oh sure, some might say our groundhog brethren give us a sense of false hope because time wise winter lasts until March 21st, when the official season of spring begins, but I say bah on those nay-sayers. Bah!
Our furry little friend is filled with the optimism and exuberance of all the possibilities each and every time he pokes his head out of his hole and looks expectantly toward the future. There is no hidden agenda of false hope when he ever so gently peeks out and forecasts our course for the weeks, and perhaps years to come. He most earnestly is looking for a brighter and warmer tomorrow, just as we are all looking for that brighter future.
This year, in human terms, he has more upon his tiny shoulders, as he peeks out at the world. It has changed a great deal since he burrowed in for a long winter’s nap last fall. For one thing, Saddam Hussein was found in a hole not unlike his own. Those are heady feelings to know a world leader would be in such humble surroundings like those of the average groundhog.
It kind of makes the groundhog feel more a part of the whole mission to find weapons of mass destruction, er, free the Iraqi oil fields, um, free the Iraqi people from the tyranny of oppression by an evil dictator. It gives the little fellows a real sense of belonging to the greater world village. It also gives them the hefty responsibility of musing on the political future of America.
I suppose foreign groundhogs have similar responsibilities, but today we are only addressing the American groundhog.
These furry little political analysts, with their hearts and minds filled with hope and optimism for a brighter and less restrictive future, will be popping up to discover a president poised to rewrite the US Constitution, or at least amend it, to add a passage of hate aimed at homosexuals and disguised as a preservation of a marriage between a man and a woman.
While I doubt the groundhog will be all that concerned since his own rights are very limited in terms of the US Constitution, and by a lack of funds for him to use to travel abroad, our brave furry friend will still have things to occupy his view. The democratic primaries and caucuses are very amusing for all spectators, even the groundhog.
This year, being a Presidential election year, the groundhog will have the treat of witnessing the democratic candidates jockeying for the party nomination. Who will get the ever-important groundhog vote? Does Dean support groundhog rights? Or Kerry? Or Clark? Edwards is from the south. Has he ever eaten a groundhog? Have any of the candidates, for that matter? And by eaten, we don’t mean that in a good way. Although, that is also a question the groundhog may pose.
Will the groundhog throw his support to the frontrunner, or will he weigh the options and pick the candidate he feels most reflects his own views? Does our furry friend even care about the issues of war, and the economy? Or is he all about the environment?
Is it possible our furry future forecaster could be in the pocket of corporate America, and be secretly cursing Martha Stewart for unloading her ImClone stock without giving him a call? Could the groundhog be, I shudder to think, a republican? Could he be supporting Bush like the blind Log Cabin Republicans and all the other gay republicans who somehow seem to miss the fact their chosen leader would label them as second-class citizens?
Oh the possibilities are endless, and it will only be a few more hours before we know which way the groundhog swings, so to speak. I’m sure we all wait with baited breath, anxious for a Phil, or Pete, or Juan, or whatever his name may be, to come out and pronounce a bright and shining future or four more dark years of Bush. What will his decision be?
copyright 2004