Authority Rocks
A Gay Opinion 7/21/02
by R. A. Melos
A while back, in an article I called "Can Suzanne Somers Be Far Behind?,"
I inadvertently misidentified Donald Rumsfeld, our Secretary of Defense, as
Chief of Homeland Security. Okay, the actual chief of Homeland security is Tom
Ridge. Only one person, so far, has pointed out my rather glaring error.
I suppose I should've known the difference between Secretary of Defense Donald
Rumsfeld, and Chief of Homeland Security Tom Ridge, much as German citizens
in the 1940's knew the difference between Minister of Propaganda Joseph Goebbels
and head of The Gestapo, Minister of the Interior Heinrich Himmler, but I was
too busy trying to keep straight the Homeland Security alert color scheme.
The simple fact I didn't know who was in charge of Homeland Security tells me
the government isn't doing enough to reach those of us who are concerned with
the welfare of our country, but so self-absorbed we really have very little
time to follow every breaking news story. It's not as if our culture makes being
a politician glamorous enough for us to grow up wanting to be these guys. They're
not like rock stars or actors, or anybody interesting.
I blame my lack of knowledge, where political offices are concerned, on MTV.
For a while there MTV was broadcasting these helpful news briefs, identifying
the players, in between Sheryl Crow and Aerosmith videos, but lately they've
stopped being extra helpful and have gone back to simply telling us with whom
Pamela Anderson is currently sleeping. Albeit, Pamela Anderson's sex life is
interesting until you realize she's rocking Kid Rock's world, and her ex, Tommy
Lee, is making a comeback in the music industry when he's really much better
equipped to be a porn star, but none of this information helps me to keep straight
the major players of the current world situation.
I mean, Kid Rock did go to Afghanistan to entertain the troops during the holidays,
and MTV aired the concert, but nowhere during the broadcast did they mention
Tom Ridge or Donald Rumsfeld. I admit, neither Ridge nor Rumsfeld is as interesting
as Kid Rock, Tommy Lee, or any other musical talent, but since they are important
to the welfare of the country, thus important to my personal welfare on some
level, it would be nice to give them more air time when people like myself would
see them and get to know them.
Perhaps MTV or VH1 could air an episode of Storyteller, or Behind The Music,
centering around Ridge and Rumsfeld? I mean, if guys like that were given more
publicity they might have a better chance at getting girls like Pamela Anderson.
Not that rock or war is about getting the hot babes, or anything like that.
However, if we are to believe in the propaganda machine we put into place, shouldn't
we know more about the cogs in the wheels of the machines? And wouldn't it be
more interesting if the cogs in the wheels were as interesting as rock stars?
Let's face it. We all know Fawn Hall, and Donna Rice, and Monica Lewinsky. Now
it didn't hurt Oliver North's image for Americans to think he was stud enough
to get a hot babe. Nor did it hurt the images of Bill Clinton, Gary Hart or
Ted Kennedy. I'm not saying the war on terrorism is about bagging the hotties,
especially since I'm gay and have yet to see a really hot guy worth bagging
anywhere in the rogue's gallery of those in charge of my homeland defense, but
it wouldn't hurt to add a few cute guys to the roster.
Maybe if Ridge and Rumsfeld were incredibly hot stud material, then I might've
noticed them during the months which followed 9/11, but they're not and I didn't.
It just might be the authority figure presence they put forth is something out
of my father's era, circa WWII, and that in itself is a turn off.
I got used to having a youthful President, and public figures, who came across
as young and hip and who could speak to me as a peer instead of lecturing me
as a parent. The way the authority figures of today come across I'm filled with
rebellious desires, even before we actually have anything to rebel against.
I'm a grown man and don't need a parent to tell me to do something, when a peer
could better explain to me, with reason and level headed appeal, why something
is the way it is.
Oh well, we're stuck with Ridge and Rumsfeld, so how do we make them more interesting?
Maybe one of them could start dating Pamela Anderson? Perhaps one of them could
get picked up for shoplifting an inexpensive handbag? Heck, if they just made
a video explaining the Homeland Security color code alert system I'd be happy.
I can see it now, featuring J-Lo and Eminem, with a guest appearance by George
W.
Clinton would've done it!