A Simple Kind Of Life
A Gay Opinion 11/17/01
by R. A. Melos
The radio was playing a song by No Doubt, and I was driving to an appointment
in my job as a Realtor, but my mind, as it usually is, was on something more
fulfilling to me. I realized how simple my life could be, if I would just concentrate
on my work as a Realtor, instead of my career as a writer.
My life could be so simple, I thought, if I wrapped my mind around the concept
of money being the most important thing in the universe, but no matter how hard
I've tried in the past, I just couldn't manage to convince myself money would
feed my soul.
Money may make the world go around, but working as a Realtor still leaves me
feeling empty, hollow, unfulfilled, because money is fleeting and spent before
I get it. Yes, a lack of money makes me unhappy, but money itself, without emotional
fulfillment, is just another empty experience leaving me spent financially and
emotionally.
I'm not knocking people who are all about money and greed. After all, greed
and avarice are two of the reasons I am lucky enough to be living in the United
States. (Can you say, Manhattan Island?) However, for me, my life has to be
about more than the numbers preceded by a dollar sign.
I realized, while I was driving to my appointment, I have to really care about
what I do with my life in order to feel fulfilled, because when I'm not one
hundred percent emotionally involved with what I'm doing, it's like sex without
love; an unfulfilling experience.
At one point in my life I discovered almost complete fulfillment, on my side
of the relationship. in the form of love. Writing and creating, for me, gives
me almost the same level of fulfillment. I say almost, because nothing can be
a complete substitute for love. Just ask anyone devouring a bag of green M&M's.
Anyway, doing something creative and positive is as close as I've come to replacing
part of what is missing in my life. Even a partial replacement is better than
experiencing life as a loveless and unfulfilling void.
So, without a partner, I'm learning to find alternative fulfillments. Or, more
accurately, I'm learning to appreciate the fulfillments which I took for granted
before experiencing a bad end to an ultimately unfulfilling relationship.
Now I can sit down and create a comic strip, as I do with my Impure Thoughts
series at Inside
R. A. Melos, and write an opinion, and realize, in my own way, I do have the
simple kind of life I always wanted.
No, it's not complete fulfillment for me, but I'm not taking the levels of fulfillment
I do experience for granted. I'm celebrating the feelings of fulfillment, the
little joys in my life, just as much as I have celebrated the major levels of
past fulfillments.
Perhaps another of life's lessons is to learn to celebrate the little fulfillments
life offers, and revel in what is, instead of what I think would make me truly
happy.
Obviously the next lesson is to obtain fulfillment on all levels, and learn
how to celebrate complete fulfillment.
Oh well, one lesson at a time.